nurturing rest

I should go to sleep. my little one just fell asleep for the night, which means 6 ish hours or less, but I am restless.  I am approaching the 1 year mark of my mastectomy and it seems all I can think about is CANCER. The fact that it seems to be everywhere and now I have a phantom pain in my thumb from all of the cell phone usage of late, and all I can think of is…shit, how many carcinogens have reached me, which is mildly ridiculous. I am not neurotic, or paranoid, but I am mindful.  Also, pissed because, I as I have mentioned, I lead a damn healthy life and I got cancer.  There seems to be such a disconnect in science and medicine as to why breast cancer is so prevelant in such a wide range of individuals.  I am pretty sure some of my stress of the prior year assisted in kicking it into high gear, for it to become a something in my life.  Things are better but I still think about it, and I am damn annoyed by it all. go to bed and let it go…so I am writing to rid the energy from my bones and remind myself again, I still have this one boob that feeds my sweet boy.

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