Heroes

I am not the heroine of this story, there are many, he is my hero today, everyday. They both are, my two loves, Milo and Karl. I learned this ever more presently this past weekend, during a storied visit. Though very much under the weather and not the ideal situation for our reunion, we embraced every minute we had with such an abundance of love, it is and was astounding.

The arrival day, of course, couldn’t get here with enough swiftness. I had had a five hour appointment at the clinic for this chemotherapy drug study. And as they flew to see Mamma, I had my port accessed, blood drawn three times, EKG’s, two skin biopsies, coupled with doctor and nurse visits throughout a full day. As they flew, I was at work healing with a giant, excited smile all day long, of which I am sure my partners in chemo jail crime must have thought was insane. We, my inmates and I, spoke of my son, of hers, of screenplays (because it’s LA), and side effects while they traveled, while he slept in his arms and peered out of the window into the sky searching for Mamma.

They were headed straight for me from the airport, it was quiet, at the end of the day and I was on my last nurse visit when they arrived. I heard from Chanel, one of the nurses, is that your baby looking for you!? I could feel my smile get brighter and hear the coos from the clinic. It was unbearable that I couldn’t run to him, my gait is at a snail’s pace with intense pain, yet my heart leapt immediately to him, as I watched him peer around the nurses station looking for Mamma. Each nurse seemed to be lined up watching us, patients still in their chairs, listening, my sister’s friend, who had been beside me the entire day, and my husband, all of them watching with tears streaming at this little one who just wants his mamma to scoop him up. I hurried to my chair as Karl lifted him to my lap, and immediately he pulls at my shirt where the port lives with bandage and said to me, Mamma’s boo-boo go bye-bye, over and over he excitedly speaks, grabbing at my booby, at my wound, just knowing I am here for this, for healing. Hugging me, gentle as a lamb, and excited as toddler can be, he loved me so deeply in that moment and always. I am such a proud mother and in awe of my husband that guided him to me. We couldn’t get out of there fast enough to just be together. In two year old cuteness, he was running around the place saying hello and exploring as we gathered ourselves and headed to dinner and then slumber at dear Kosta’s home, where I am living at the moment. A dear, dearest soul, a dear old friend of my husband’s, we head towards such a home. Milo sleeps so easily in this new place and it comforts my heart.

Our entire time together we loved like this moment, with pain, tiredness and simple colds aside, we played in a magical bed of laughter, family, warmth, and gentle calmness. When they had to leave, I didn’t cry as expected. I was elated by the time together. Renewed by the love of a husband who has grown into the most present father, loving man and soul a woman could want by her side. I am beyond blessed by such a hero. I sat in the car saying goodbye, as Milo said to me, Mamma stays, boo-boo get better. With Kosta, boo-boo gets better. With this, I know that I am supposed to be here, though away from my loves, I have two precious heroes who support and guide this trail.

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15 comments on “Heroes

  1. billgncs says:

    such great love, it makes me smile.

  2. lmw says:

    I am so thankful you had this time with your heroes…your writing evokes such profound feelings. I pray that the love and laughter they brought with them will surround you during your treatment. Much love… xx L

    • jelebelle says:

      Thank you Lynnea. It is all around me, I am immersed in such joy by those moments. Love back to you. Miss you

    • Your written words were just the same as I too was thinking and hoping for Jen. So, well said ๐Ÿ˜‰ ** you are just simply awesome Jen. Think of you so often. . . With love, prayer, hope, and empathy too. Always here for you and so glad to follow just some of your thoughts via your blog. Email me if and when u feel up to it. If not, just know, I’m thinking of you (and both your heros). Xoxo

  3. So beautiful. My kids haven’t been toddlers for a long time, with one dipping his toes into teenage-land and the other a precocious tween; yet your descriptions of Milo brought me right back to the wonders (and exhaustion!) of 2-year-olds. Your words are so powerful and your family so precious. Thanks for sharing this special time with us.

    • jelebelle says:

      Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ I went to your blog to see pictures of your ‘babies’, the best. I’m happy that my account brought you memories of toddlerhood. It’s such a fun age, but I’m learning it all is a fun and wonderful learning experience. xox

  4. A beautiful, beautiful post – and so much love. Thank you for sharing this wonderful moment with us. ~Catherine

  5. dear jen,

    i picture the joy coursing through every fiber of your being as you wrote this account of your reunion with the Two Great Loves of your life. all that love – must have begot oceans of more love from all who witnessed it, from all who read such profoundly love-ly and touching words. and you are enfolded in all of it, as are we all. let me send my share right back to your sweet heart to help with the healing i know is taking place every moment, making being homeward bound closer and closer.

    love, XOXO,

    karen, TC

  6. Jodi says:

    Such a beautiful family. I’m so happy for you. xox

  7. So thankful, so very, very thankful…your little boy is such a little love…your husband… heroes…heal, heal…so glad you had your hearts with you. Thank you for sharing.

  8. AnneMarie says:

    Jen,
    Sending you giant hugs, much love and my heart is overflowing as I picture — vividly — the time you spent with your heroes.

    Love you…. tons…
    xoxox

    • jelebelle says:

      Thank you AnneMarie as always. I feel the hugs and love from you all. Btw: I finally have some energy to catch up on everyone’s writing, thank you for sharing the latest from MMSK. Dr. Norton is my NYC doc and it is great to hear that he got political about mets. For some reason my iPad wont let me comment on your blog….wordpress/blogspot interfaces issue. Anyway, thanks. Much love back to you xoxoxo

  9. Jill says:

    Jen, I’ve read this post several times. Each time I get a big lump in my throat, like I do often when I spend time on your blog, but this time it came from a different place. It’s hard to describe, but the intimacy and love you write about is just so big. And the picture of Karl and Milo. God, So cool.

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