Maybe I’ll write a country music song

When Things Stop Working

The hand of an almost stranger touched my heart
He knows when to ask, so the tears well and start.

There is a short gaze, I turn away,
To spare another the pain that breaks me each day.

I wallow in my cup, he cradles my hand
So many hold me, so it’s not hard to stand.

I carry it alone but am held up so high,
so only brief tears with no room for the sighs.

The hands of a friend just touched my heart, with the hands of a friend, I won’t fall apart.

A brief update:
Said friend asked with a smile how the start of my New Year was going. Tears erupt. I had just come from the doctor and learned that I had a new good size tumor in the Sternum. While the drug is working everywhere else, this new tumor arrived. Merry fucking Christmas. The doctors continue to be shocked on the oddity of this cancer. So, we will rid this with radiation to lesson the astounding pain it causes, and add a chem to the Afinitor. I advised my doctor the reason this happened was due to stress. I know it, feel it. I bend to the wishes of an old lifestyle and others. It is time to accept my life needs to be CALM. I can no longer accept anger, grief or stress near me, AT ALL. So, no, not the start of the New Year I was hoping for but maybe we will get the shit storm out the way earlier. BTW: Thank you all for your always, sweet comments!

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15 comments on “Maybe I’ll write a country music song

  1. I think of you daily. ❤

  2. bornbyariver says:

    ugh, merry fucking christmas is right. sending light your way to wash away the pain and keep the peace and calm in the storm.

  3. exiledtyke says:

    Here’s my C & W song for you – Wishing you a very, very peaceful and stress free 2013.

    I know we never met, but this song is for her
    Though life is so tough, I’m glad she can share
    Her troubles, her sorrows and her savoir faire
    Gives all the rest chance, to show how we care.

    Life’s kicked her so hard, with cancer shot through
    The doc’s scratched their heads saying, “What shall we do?”
    She’s worth all the effort to make her pull through,
    We don’t want her family or friends feeling blue.

    We’ll give her the pills, experimental or not.
    We’ll irradiate her till the cancer’s too hot
    And when we are finished the cancer is shot
    And a long loving future is next in the plot.

  4. jelebelle says:

    Oh my! I love it 🙂 you (and this gang here) always seem to make me smile and laugh and this shindig.
    Best to you and yours in the New Year!!!
    Thank you and many hugs xo

    • exiledtyke says:

      Aww shucks ma’am, it weren’t nothing much. Just something me, Willy and Dolly knocked out shooting the breeze around the camp fire after eating beans.

      Seriously, your attitude and determination kept me going many a time, so, if I can help you to smile that makes me very happy too.

  5. Melanie says:

    I read each of your posts and they leave an imprint on my heart. I still play the image of you playing in the pool in hawaii, enjoying the fresh air and your family… I hope that you will take that trip again and celebrate your health and your victory over this bastard. Fight on, know that people you love and people you have only met once will fight for you and send you strength.
    With love,
    Melanie, Eric, Lucia and Sadie ( your friends from your trip to Hawaii)

  6. AnneMarie says:

    Jen,
    Remember how much you are loved by so many of us. And yes, Keep The Calm. I hope radiation zaps the pain and the tumor, too.
    Much love,
    AnneMarie

  7. Jodi says:

    I’m sorry, Jele. We are thinking of you and sending wishes for calm, relaxing moments as you breathe through this. And virtually holding your hand as we laugh and breathe through the absurdity together.

  8. Barb Snow says:

    Wishing you peace and, above all, calmness in this new year.
    Fondly,
    Barb in Minnesota

  9. Jen,
    Please let me know how you are….. I’ve been woefully behind on saying hi to all. I know you have lots on your plate. Got some crappy news about my mom. She was diagnosed with a bone metastasis a week ago. We are off to the oncologist today to hear about the treatment plan. To say I am reeling is a massive understatement. No, I still can’t understand how you feel, how she feels, how so many of the others in this mess are feeling….. I can only say, I got a teeny taste being by her side and it is a very bitter pill…..

    Know I am here… know I send you love …. Tons of it….

    xoxox
    AnneMarie

    • jelebelle says:

      Thank you so much AnneMarie. It has been a hard time since this last post and I barely have energy to get out of the bed to radiation. Wish I had it in me right now to write more. Soon, I hope. I am so sorry for the latest news in your life. It is such an epidemic. My sincerest and most heartfelt wishes are being sent to you and yours. The power of all of this positive love must help right!? Xoxoxo

  10. Lori says:

    Hi Jen,

    I haven’t stopped by in far too long, and I regret that. I am so sorry for all that your facing, so tired of more bad news… But like you, strive to focus my attention on the power of this web of support we have woven and grateful that there are so many to lean on when the days get dark.

    I hope you find that path to de-stressing and continue to share so that others can learn from you! You are in my prayers.

    • jelebelle says:

      Thank you Lori! The hard news does get deafening but we try to not let it out weigh the good. I am so exhausted it is beyond explanation, but am lifted by all of this love here. Thank you for checking in and encouraging me. The good wishes are sent back at you xox

  11. Here’s hoping the shit storm is over and the rest of the year is a breeze.

  12. Nat says:

    I only just saw this today. I want to draw a ring around you that works like the wonder twin forces …. keeping anything and everything of annoyance and stress AWAY. Love from way over here… you will prevail over this. You are in my thoughts every day.

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