Are we really this angry?

My physical body cannot endure the tragedy of today’s news. My emotional mind as a mother cannot fathom the depth of sorrow brought on by today’s events. I tried to not read about the shooting in Connecticut, I tried to look out the window at the snow which always brings a smile and ignore the happenings of the world outside in order to preserve my health, but the reality of life is that it comes with heartbreaks and loves, tragedy and elation. So, I must acknowledge those sweet souls that were lost today in order to live a fair life and to honor the victims. It hurts so deeply to think of the families who are left behind. If my heart hurts this much without knowing who they are, how must they feel?

I don’t think breaking plates will get them through this year intact. I want to ask why, but there is no answer. There is no reasoning to the tragedies that we endure in a world where such anger breeds hatred towards children, diseases that cut to the bone, losses that are unexpected…. I have realized that why is a stupid question. What is the imbalance which creates such a force that destroys the lives of good souls? Has this always happened, or has the magnitude of tragedy grown with the swelling of our population, technology and culture? Will this kind of energy be our demise, the energy that has children killing children?

My husband and I took a weekend away to have a quiet moment in the mountains, away from my doctors, and a break from the baby and now all I want to do is listen to my son breathe as he sleeps and hold him tight in the morning no matter how early he awakes. I realize in this moment, despite what ails me, that I am blessed. It seems that we never do know what will hit us. There is simply not enough compassion to give to those who have lost a child. I am in awe of the strength of those who triumph over such tragedies, with full hearts and billowing memories.

Perhaps the memory of today will assist lawmakers in limiting the amount of rounds one can amass or purchase at Walmart. Perhaps the purpose left behind is to enlighten us to acknowledge why there is so much pain in the living, causing all of this dying.


2 comments on “Are we really this angry?

  1. dear jelebelle,

    this post of yours captures much of the collective grief from what has happened in CT. to imagine the ripple effect of all of the horriffic tragedy and loss and trauma and mourning is overwhelmingly sad. but when we pay witness to the suffering of others, as you have, even when it feels so big that it threatens to knock us down, our hearts join millions of others in compassion and empathy. though it seems to be such an insignificant gesture, it comes from love, and i like to believe it not only counts, but that it finds it’s way into the hearts that are hurting; someway…somehow…

    i hope you are feeling better since your last post – i think of you and send you powerful vibes of comfort and healing.

    love, XXOO,

    karen, TC

    • jelebelle says:

      I think it does too, Karen. I’ve felt the compassion and love myself, across borders and beyond. I hope those families can feel our collective embrace.
      Thank you for reminding me and your thoughts. I do feel better…updates soon.

      Best wishes, xox

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