Such is Life

“when the living was easy”

Today, driving towards chemo jail, I saw Life. I saw movement in the world, in such a clear way. Though my head was cloudy with sniffles and chemo brain, today I can feel. Smell the smell of the fallen leaves touch the earth, see the brightness of the trees glisten in an Autumn sun.

Today, I drove by a guy standing on the street corner slowly waving his sign for cheap oil changes looking tired and strained, well before the clock struck noon; I wonder what he was thinking. Today, I parked the car and walked towards my favorite pre-chemo juice spot, Healeo, past a yoga studio and across from the first fully sustainable structure that will be completed here in Seattle. How cliche, how real, how of this era, how great that I get to see progress. I notice it deeply, as if I were a scene in a film. I wonder why pretty music is always sad in someway, and why I hide behind tv shows that feature physically strong women with broken hearts. I notice these things today. It seems calm around me and I decide that I am not only going to just observe life or will use a crutch to try to live. I’m still sick, my bones hurt and such, but today I can see and I will try to live. I get sick after I try to live. I have a cold after a weekend visiting with friends and family. I am sure I will be exhausted by the upcoming Thanksgiving celebration, but sometimes that feeling is worth the time spent living. The moment may pass of my feeling this way, but for now I will acknowledge and try, try to crest the mountains, to live.

Tomorrow, I want to spend the morning with my son without help, without falling down. I might even take him to lunch alone, and the next day I might even read a book. The day after that, I have a photo album and art project to finish, the following day I will write, and then I will have chemo jail and listen to beautiful music that is both sad but warms the heart, and I will then plan a weekend away, and then prepare for Thanksgiving. I will enjoy the spoils of an abundant farm in gratitude and look forward to living with each breath I take,Β in either bursts or quiet slow movements. I will not let this disease paralyze me while I breathe the fresh air in the shadows of a mountain.

28 comments on “Such is Life

  1. mari says:

    Live, Lovely Ledda, live like you dream!!

  2. Yes – Yes – Yes. Living is most certainly a gift, so thank you for the reminder. ~Catherine

  3. bornbyariver says:

    Thank you for the reminder of the beauty of each moment and the loveliness that surrounds us, so easy to overlook.

  4. What a beautiful post. I’m very touched by your wise almost poetic words.

  5. Susan says:

    This post is so beautiful. I love the way you can see so much beauty on the way to “chemo jail”. Thank you for being so uplifting!

  6. exiledtyke says:

    I love reading your blog. I love the way you see the world. I love the way you love those around you. Power to your elbow.

  7. Lori says:

    Beautiful post…thank you so much for sharing the TRUE story behind this disease! Stay strong, live fully and enjoy lunch with your son!!! XOX

  8. I’ve missed you Jen….. I’m in that east coast mess and frankly, right now, the sky is so black it looks a little like a tornado is about to hit….. When it rains it pours…. I’ve been “off the grid” … off EVERY grid for two weeks….. Big hugs to you, Sweet One….


  9. Marie says:

    Jen, this post is one of the most beautiful I have every read.. I am in tears at the beauty of your words..and your spirit. Much love and strength to you xxx

    • jelebelle says:

      Thank you so much Marie, what a lovely compliment! It is always so great to have the support system in this online community. I hope you are doing well, and appreciate you sharing my words. Best always, xo

  10. Editor says:

    Reblogged this on Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer and commented:
    Exquisitely moving and beautiful words from Jen…

  11. Yes! This is what it’s all about and you said it so beautifully! Let’s spread the word…

  12. Beautiful, poignant and humbling. Thank you. I have also been sharing xoxox

  13. “I will try to live. I get sick after I try to live” thank you for this beautiful post, I wish you well on your journey there is a poignancy that resonates with me, I will think of your words drifting in my mind.

  14. Beautiful words, beautiful spirit, beautiful life.

  15. […] time I write or speak of my hope it gets kicked to the curb. Shortly after I wrote, Such is Life, my life started to become more difficult to live. This is what makes me sad. With all of this calm […]

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