“I will continue to heal and move this cancer into remission, swiftly”

It is so difficult being in the hospital for ten solid days without some kind of sadness or negativity seeping into my brain and heart. It’s as if it comes with the fluids and nutrients. I am home now, thank the gods and goddesses. I’m not ready to let go and while I was there, it was if the devil was on my shoulder pushing me to get things ready. Fuck that, I say! Fuck you, you piece of shit cancer demon. (Excuse the words, but it’s like breaking plates…. Sometimes you just need to say it out loud, or complete the action.)

I’m out. I survived the complete thrashing my body took, with its sad & lonely white blood cell. Feeling better, though I need to rest because the cancer grew, spread a little too (a few blips on the lung now), and continue to regain a normal diet, and get my cancer fighting routine back. I’m angry though, that the Kool Aid kicked me while I was down and didn’t even work. I told them there was something funky with the Kool Aid!

So at this point, what do I say, think and feel? I don’t want to be so angry, I’m trying to maintain an inner peace because I truly feel the stress advances things, makes me sicker. The outlook isn’t so positive but hey, I’m gonna beat the odds, right? So, the treatments have simply just sustained me, not shrunk these buggers…okay but I’m beginning a new ‘beyond state of the art’ cancer treatment that I am so profoundly blessed to gain access. I’ll explain more when I know more. We have some badass thinkers on our side and I have confidence this will be the shift. My brain and body are tired, tired of processing and carrying the weight of this cancer on my sore shoulders. My spirit has been reinforced by the healing soup, hugs, love and support of those around me. My Champions continue to astound. The questions, at times, are unbearable but I know they come with love. I’ve decided to share this blog with more friends and family to release the pressure of updates and it is time the truth came out. I’m sick, it sucks, we will get through when time tells us so. I still meditate that we will move this cancer into a remission ‘swiftly’ and that I have decades…

I know I must have time, as before Milo was born, I had a dream of myself and my five year old son we were having the most precious lunch time together. It was so clear, I know this day will come, here on this earth. These thoughts, and moments keep me headed to the finish line that is remission.

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Cheri Pearl Photography

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27 comments on ““I will continue to heal and move this cancer into remission, swiftly”

  1. billgncs says:

    hold that eye of calm in the storm. No one will begrudge you a single plate.( smile ) How I hated cancer, words can hardly describe how furious it made me. I share your rage. — bw

  2. Renn says:

    I love your phrase “healing soup.” I wish for you an unlimited supply of healing soup, and many, many, many picnics with your son. You are a gifted writer.

    Sending you {{{hugs}}}!

  3. Yes,a prayer is being said for you right now using the title of your blog post

  4. Yvonne says:

    Jen, thinking of you and sending wishes for moments of calm clarity.
    y

  5. Jodi says:

    Hi. Didn’t know you were in hospital. I was at Yom Kippur services this week and part of the tradition is a healing service in the late afternoon as we approach the pinnacle of the day. Was thinking of you and praying for you. Much love.

  6. Cancer Warrior says:

    Have you read a book called Dying To Be Me by Anita Moorjani? It gave me new insight into healing on a mental and spiritual level.

  7. Prayers continue. I break things on a fairly continual basis. Intended or not, the next few are for you 😉

    • jelebelle says:

      Perfect 🙂 I luv hearing that we get to throw and break things. Maybe we should pick a day this month and all of us can simultaneously break something?! Instead of donning pink effin’ ribbons….

      • i absolutely LOVE this idear, jen!! we should definitively select a day and DO IT! i feel more compelled to blow something up, but smashing works as well. something pretty in pink, preferably. love you and i continue to think about you every single day. so much love i am sending your way, my dear.

      • jelebelle says:

        Sounds good ladies 🙂 i will think of a good day and post something soon. Feeling the luv and good wishes too. Thank you 🙂 xo

      • I’m in! Just give me a heads up so I can decide which of my husband’s things needs to go

  8. bornbyariver says:

    Keep slurping your soup while telling cancer to go fuck itself. You may be tired, but not diminished

  9. pinkunderbelly says:

    That photo is precious! Yes, you will have that lunch, and many others, with your sweet boy. I continue to be awe-struck by you.

  10. Jen…
    Again, speechless but filled with love I’m sending your way….
    xoxoxox

  11. carolecluer says:

    I wish with all my heart that you get to live your dream xxx

  12. That photograph is really beautiful, and your post is full of hope (and cancer-destroying determination). Keep going, keep sipping that healing soup, and keep your eye on the prize.

    ~Catherine

  13. This is a checking in comment….. Thinking of you always… sending you love… hoping…..

    xoxoxo

  14. lmw says:

    I think of you and your precious family often. I hope the cutting edge treatment obliterates all those rogue cancer cells!! Sending you strength from across the pond. xx L

  15. Audra says:

    Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers…. ❤

  16. I pray that your dream will be realized. Have you read “Dying to be Me” by Anita Moorjani…….a very inspiring story.

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