A day in the life of cancer…

What a day, what day, what a helluva day.

I took a break from chemo jail this week for being plain exhausted, and needing my body to still recover from the Eye of the Tykerb. I think I was kidding myself that I would actually feel good today. Last night, I felt a funny shortness of breath walking up a normal flight of stairs. This morning the same thing happened, plus I thought I was going to pass out after my shower. Seriously? What next!? I called the doc, and they had me come in for an immediate CT (we call it meow) scan! Okay…that didn’t make me nervous. Um why? Well, we want to rule out a pulmonary embolism. Uh okay, I’ll be right there. So, I headed in and got the meow scan, and nope not a PE. I did have to meet with the oncologist though…oh boy. My hubby had his fears and met me there; I was just baffled to have another issue piled upon the shell of my poor body. Apparently though, I had developed an allergy to the Taxol. So, I am done being taxed. My hands will hopefully be thankful, the cancer…well, here is where we find the faith. It was going to come down to a decision sooner or later to do a treatment change because the taxol is, well, really quite taxing after 7 months of weekly doses. Although, I left the docs office feeling completely drained and teary, tonight I have a good feeling about this forced decision. I am putting faith in the gods for handling it for us…that for me, there is a better, faster working treatment plan.

Faith is funny. Religious or not, we must find it in something. I really feel okay about this, though with a dash of fear the next dose of whatever will take time to adjust, and most likely have some kind of side effect to dazzle me. I have to have faith the new drugs will work as well if not better. I accept nothing less. I ask for all of your faith, musings, meditations, or feisty wit to put energy towards my continuation of healing. We can’t afford to lose ground on the progress made. My little guy needs his mama back in action soon!

Still keeping the calm…. (Lord knows how… Oh yea, faith)


6 comments on “A day in the life of cancer…

  1. exiledtyke says:

    Cancer really is a funny thing isn’t it. Here am I taking Tylenol for the back pain caused by having Neulasta and getting annoyed at the general fatigue which sees me dozing for an hour on and off all day and then sleepless at night, and then I read of someone else’s problems and I realise I am just a wuss! OK maybe that should have big capital Wuss!

    That’s not the razor sharp wit you asked for, but, hopefully, that is coming up in a moment or two. I’ve been thinking a lot about faith lately and what it means to different people and have been playing with the idea of a blog entry entitled “Does God think of cancer ?” but I haven’t got around to writing it yet, and, maybe, I never will for lots and lots of good reasons. Anyway, your blog prodded me to start thinking some more about it so I thought I would try to discover just what faith means to different people and, in Dave Gorman, style I googled “faith”. I was amazed, well actually I was more than amazed but I’m not sure what the next adjective up in scale might be so, let’s settle for my being amazed at what Google offered me.The first two entries were to do with shoes. Honestly I kid you not – go on, try it yourself you know you want to! I’m not sure what I expected but I suppose I was thinking along the lines of a definition equating faith with a belief in something and particularly in a deity, but, no, shoes. Wikipedia was third with a definition which I can accept, fourth was the Interfaith Network and fifth was Faith Guitars. I’ll bet you never thought someone might offer you a pair of shoes or a guitar as an act of faith did you?

    I offer you the mantra of the Medicine Buddha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K3W5xVv78I&feature=related and pray that your little guy soon has as much of his mamma as he could possibly want
    om bekandze bekandze maha bekandze radza samud gate soha

    I’d also like to offer you Tara’s Mantra. When you read what Tara can do for you I expect one of those WTF moments as you read about being saved from lions and elephants but, way down the list at number 10, is “doubt”. Do keep your faith in whatever your deity. Do keep your belief that you will come through this and have lots of good times with your little man and never doubt you will achieve your goals. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmIpQ3it0wQ&feature=related

    • jelebelle says:

      I luv it! I certainly could find faith in the perfect pair of Manolo’s and a 1960s Gibson guitar. What the hell, right people pray to more absurd deities. Seriously though, thank you for the mantra, research, and general luvin’.
      I was thinking about a longer post on Faith as well, certainly a topic that comes up in this cancer world, but certainly a kid gloves topic too…maybe we can just bounce things off each other 😉 best to you.

      • exiledtyke says:

        Phew, I was worried I might be on dodgy ground there so I’m relieved to find I wasn’t!

        Yes, let’s bounce things off each other. You get to bounce the shoes off me and I get to bounce the Gibson off you! Deal? lol

        It’s the kid gloves aspect that worries me, am I wearing them so that my fingerprints won’t be found on the Gibson alongside your body so the police will never know I threw it? Damn they’ll probably check your blog and discover it was me after all. Maybe we should just bounce ideas then?

  2. You’re amazing. Your son is very lucky little guy.

  3. billgncs says:

    I close my eyes, and send you what strength and and hope I have.

    As a small boy, I would often recite the 23rd psalm when I was afraid, “The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want” as a mantra and found it offered great comfort.

    When you doze, perhaps you will feel a gentle touch, as I in awe of your great heart and courage send you what gifts I may from so far, far away.

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