I break plates

I am not sure if it was the full moon, the leftover Tykerb horror in my body, or just a plain and simple bad day that evoked my anger at cancer. I couldn’t sleep, could not get comfortable at all, and when I finally did get to a resting space, I realized that I forgot to take one of my million meds, that just pissed me right off. So I get out of bed with a huff, husband snoozing through this, take the damn med, try and settle down and just got madder and angrier and irritated and all sorts of cranky. I haven’t really gotten this way yet, or expressed the burning anger that we all feel in this situation. Mother f’in cancer.

Settling down seemed impossible. I didn’t know another way to release my frustration, so I accessed my Sicilian side, walked to the cupboard, grabbed a plate, opened the door to outside and slammed the thing on the cement in the pouring rain. It felt so good, after a good cry with the now awoken hubby, I fell into slumber.

After telling this to a girlfriend, she told me about her close friend who used to buy clay pots and throw them off of her deck in order to cope with the loss of her son. It has been a little while since tragedy struck her, but she still does this from time to time. I get it, completely. My husband told me that I did not need to break plates, I could talk to him and wake him up…
But sometimes you just need to break plates.
(next time I’ll try not to grab a cool vintage one though)

20120209-212319.jpg

Advertisements

5 comments on “I break plates

  1. billgncs says:

    Driving, a fit of rage came upon me like a whirlwind, and I punched the windshield. I leave the spiderweb of shining cracks as a statement of my defiance to this beast named cancer. Good luck.

  2. Violet says:

    I get it, completely. Thanks for the inspiration. Now, I’m wishing it would rain.

  3. Candida Abrahamson PhD says:

    Yes, sometimes you DO just need to break plates–and you should. Turns out I’ve just been researching self-expression and expression of anger during the cancer process, and you’ve got it all on your plate-smashing side. See http://wp.me/p22afJ-Ch for the post on this–turns out that not keeping anger bottled up is associated with better progress, and, in fact, fewer side effects from treatment. Heck, go ahead and smash plates AND throw clay pots off your deck–seems it will be to your benefit in the long run. Be well, Candida

    • jelebelle says:

      Thank you, I’ll check out your post. I completely agree that releasing the tension, anger, sadness, etc. helps with the healing. For me, it is so necessary to stay positive, and doing so I need to let it go, clay pots, vintage playes, or maybe something wild like a full bottle of wine. Thank you for reading & encouraging me 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s