Just call me Drugstore Cowgirl

Drugs, drugs, drugs. My body feels like an experimental mine field for Dow Chemicals. I had never even taken meds for simple headaches or PMS & now my body is like a 1980s cocktail party. Chemotherapy and anti-biotics (for this wintery cold season, sinus infection, or whatever strikes) coupled with crazy Chinese herbs, needles, vitamins, salts, & stirs; these recipes for healing seem to take on a full time job.

My eyes are heavy and hands still sore, yet moving forward is all i know of what to do, how to be. I am a fighter. Kung fu was my method to expel negative energy, now I have a new ritual of counting doses for this beat cancer thing. I WILL move through this drilling noise of cancer. Shit, I have cancer. It almost feels like an AA admition. Unreal & revealing. I am supposed to have a quiet mind, sometimes the mind is not so quiet in here, but my acupuncturist tells me we fight cancer calmly, not with an angry fight. Positively, I try.

This is somewhere around month six of these shenanigans. The history is odd, cancer free, then boom stage 4… Whatever that means. Etc.etc. It’s best not to think back otherwise I would want to sue the first doc, and kill myself with the ‘what ifs’. I KNEW something was up…even as I read back through here, I can tell. However, my meditation guides me to gratitude for all events that have brought me to now. My Ativan has me calm through the ridiculousness of being grateful for cancer, though if one step were different, perhaps my sweet son would not have been and this is where I find gratitude in each moment. And this is where I find the will to keep on those Monday drugs, drugs and more drugs. Just call me Drugstore Cowgirl.

Here is the list:
Monday
Pre-Med of some steroid that I refer to as the deco drug
Pepcid
Benadryl
Emend
Aloxi
Taxol
Streptozocin
5FU

Every third week
Herceptin
Zometa

Daily or as needed or as I can deal
Tykerb
Ativan ( or out of it pants, as I like to call it)
Zofran
Acupuncture twice a week
Mucus powder (the weird Chinese herbs)
Cleansing tea
Vitamins d, c, multi
Iron
Glutamine
Some kind of mushroom herb

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5 comments on “Just call me Drugstore Cowgirl

  1. The irony of filling our bodies with poison to cure cancer after spending a lifetime avoiding cancer causing poisons. Funny shit 😐

    • jelebelle says:

      Indeed, funny shit! I am the “healthiest” person I know. The doc even said on paper I look like a million bucks….tell that to my scans though. Thanks for reading.

      • exiledtyke says:

        My primary care physician was stunned to hear that I took no medication. We were then both stunned to discover my lump. Just goes to show that “healthy” is a strange concept. Love your blog.

  2. Misifusa says:

    I am keeping you in my prayers. I was diagnosed 10 yrs ago at age 34. Lost both breasts. xo

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