In early July, as I returned from vacation, and landed home my body gave out. It was as if the gods were waiting to tell me to get home and settled before I got my ass kicked. I was travelling with my 5 month old alone, and felt so drained, he was fussy, and I couldn’t understand why. I came to find out that he wasn’t getting any nutrients from me. Anyway, as my energy is nil, I’ll cut to the chase.
Cancer returned full force and totally rare and weird and stage four….have I mentioned that last year it was the fucking size of a pea! And gone, they told me cancer free? Well, somehow it spread and now it is Neuro-endocrine & breast cancer. It is so odd and rare they are unsure it even is stemming from the breast cancer, but most likely it is and something was missed. Yeah….I’m pissed as I write this, it is heartbreaking news. It is in the liver & bones.
I started this insane three-day intense chemotherapy that royally kicked my ass, and came to find out it did not work. I am now on three types of chemo every Monday, and the blood work looks good. I had scans on Friday and get the results Monday. I am less angry now than when I first began writing this a month or so ago, i was so devastated, blindsided, angry, and any other emotion one can feel during a diagnosis such as this…while having a baby in my arms.
Now, I am optimistic and hopeful, bracing for rough journey and hoping the chemo sessions will not last a long time, though I am realistic. I just want my life back, I want to enjoy my sweet son and family and eat a normal meal, but I have time for that when this chemo and acupuncture and positivity works. What a turn of events that I was not excited to hear of, as this year I was to spend adoring my beautiful eight month old…I was ready for life to be normal, and be a mamma and get a new boob, etc. This will be a difficult road but this mamma is ready to meet it head on with love all around me. So the prayer, my friends, is decades…decades is the daily mantra. For my sweet boy, decades, for myself, decades. I will get there…some things just take time.